In every bank manager’s office is a piece of furniture that bears a startling resemblance to a chair. When you visit your bank manager wanting to borrow money, your bank manager points to this piece of furniture and says “Won’t you bend over my barrel?”
You see, he knows that 9 out of 10 small-business owners wait until it’s almost too late before they look for the working capital that their business needs.
If you are one of the 10% who are ahead of this game, then you are under no pressure because you will only be needing money at some future point — not at the end of this month!
If, on the other hand, you DO need the money at the end of this month you certainly are going to bend over the barrel. And if you have already written out the cheques, you are going to really bend over. And if you have already posted those cheques, you are going to hug that barrel!
I will probably repeat this point often during this book. That’s because it’s worth repeating. Your bank manager conducts between 10 and 20 negotiations about money every single day. You will typically meet with a bank manager to borrow money once or twice each year. Honestly, who is going to be better at this game?
I am glad we agree on that.
Now that you are fully extended over this barrel, your bank manager reaches into his desk drawer and takes out a large Queen pineapple. He grasps it firmly on the green part, holding the large spiky orange fruit aloft. He vaults over his desk and inserts the pineapple into a portion of your anatomy that doesn’t often see sunlight.
It is called the banking miracle. It isn’t a miracle that it is totally painless — even though it seems that way at first. And it isn’t a miracle that you can still walk. The miracle is that you have just signed away every single thing you own; every single thing you have acquired over your lifetime; and every penny you will ever earn in the future — in return for a small business overdraft. And the miracle is that you feel so good about it!
Honestly, tell me that when you walked out of the banker’s office you weren’t relieved that you had managed to buy another few months? You didn’t feel great because you were such a fine negotiator?
(I might be going out on a limb on this one, but I was there as well — signing every piece of paper I could — and feeling good about every one as well.)
The above excerpt is from the CrashProof your Business book, and I took the shortcut of sharing it this week after spending a few minutes with an ex-Luxembourg banker, and having the harsh reality of SA banking reinforced. If you can survive your bank, you’re already an entrepreneur my friend!